I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
