I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
