brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
