Little spoons don't ask big questions
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
