Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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