Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
