i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
