i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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