Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
