do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
