I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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