i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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