Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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