nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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