we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
