He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
