Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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