I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
