cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
