Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
