the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
