Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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