I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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