whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
