I'm jealous of your bromance
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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