the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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