I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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