GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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