So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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