My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
