either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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