can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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