I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
