when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
