the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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