Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
