he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
