I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
