this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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