We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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