woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
