Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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