my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
