I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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