no, he came in my armpit
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
