How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
