Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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