see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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