We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
