So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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