Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
