we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
