I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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