so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
the raccoons are back...
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