Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You have to summon your inner elephant
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize