You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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