Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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