The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
