My brain says no but my pants say off.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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