id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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