Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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