I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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