What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
