please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize