The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
