Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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