please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
