the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
