Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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