im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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